One of my favorite things to do is to share life-changing truths about sexuality with parents. I do this through a live presentation (Allies: Parents & Kids Navigating a Sexualized Culture) and through my blog. Some of my friends don’t really understand why I do what I do or how I could enjoy it. Honestly, I wonder sometimes why God picked me: the girl who made lots of mistakes, the one who was petrified of public speaking, someone who is old enough to be a mom to most in my audience.
But people have always been important to me. My audience is filled with image-bearers of God who’ve all had their own experiences related to sexuality that have impacted them deeply. I’m sure they arrive with a variety of expectations and perhaps even some trepidation.
I often sense various emotions in the room as I speak. Sometimes I sense walls of resistance. Sometimes I sense darkness, pain, or discomfort. But as we gently enter in and the talk progresses, I always sense the power of grace as God begins to tenderly touch various elements of someone’s story. I can almost feel a shift in the room as truth starts to settle over hearts battered and wounded by sin, or pain, or shame related to sexuality. Isn’t God amazing?? He uses me, this broken, patched-up vessel, to bring living water to thirsty souls.
I share tenderly and compassionately about how God designed the brain to respond to sexual things and how children and adults can feel when they encounter them. I share truth from God’s word about how we are wired for intimacy and connection and how our sexuality leads us to that. I share that while children certainly need protection in a hyper-sexualized culture, what they need just as much, if not more, is an ally to walk alongside of them through it.
At its core, my Allies talk is an invitation. I invite people into a journey of discovery, hope, healing, and ultimately a deeper, more authentic relationship with God and with their loved ones. I help them realize the need their children have for a heart secure in who God is, how He wired them for relationship, and how He will help them as they grow and have their own experiences related to sexuality.
I wonder how many of you understood these truths as you were growing up and becoming more aware of sexuality. I believe that very few of us entered adulthood without significant wounding, shame, or sin related to sexuality. In a broken world, we are all sexually broken. But what should we do with our brokenness so that we can thrive as a wife, a husband, a mother, or a father, and become an ally for our children, unhindered by our past mistakes or wounds?
Many of you have heard my talk or read these posts for a while. If so, you probably have a deeper appreciation for the journey I’m talking about. Others of you are new to TrueNorth and to our mission to help parents understand their sacred sexuality, live it out in the power of Christ, and lead their children to do the same. But we are all the same in that God has amazing purposes for our sexuality no matter our stage of life, marital status, or current struggle. He’s a redeeming God in a world that needs redemption. He is the only One who can take the worst from our lives and redeem it. Beauty for ashes.
But redemption is costly. It is beautiful and life-changing and a gift from God, but getting to a place of discovering it can feel uncomfortable, even messy or painful at times. One look at Jesus on the cross and we see clearly that redemption is both costly and beautiful.
Maybe you’re in a difficult place right now in terms of sexuality. Perhaps you heard my talk or read my blogs and you sense God saying it’s time to find freedom from that sin pattern, healing for that deep wound, or guidance for intimacy issues in your marriage. Maybe you’re on the receiving end of a painful revelation by a loved one that has shaken you to the core:
- A confession of porn use, sexual sin, or addiction
- A story of sexual abuse or wounding
- A disclosure related to sexual identity or attraction
Maybe someone you love is really struggling, or hurting, or wanting to change, and their pain or heartache has now become yours also.
Sexuality is such a central and intricate aspect of being human, and struggles related to it can be profoundly complicated, shameful, and isolating. I understand. If someone has trusted you enough to share a painful or hurtful revelation, I pray you can trust God enough to guide you toward His next steps for both of you, and I’ll be sharing more about what that might look like in some upcoming posts. But truthfully, God has much for all of us related to sexuality. He wastes nothing and uses everything for our ultimate good (Romans 8:28).
Where are you on your journey toward understanding your sacred sexuality and living it out in the power of Christ? Where would you like to be? Over the next several weeks we will share some common mile-markers, what they might hold, illuminate, or feel like. We’re on this journey with you, and we want to encourage you, hold you up in prayer, and celebrate the minor and major victories you will experience.
For now, I invite you to go to a quiet place with God and let one or more of these verses settle over your soul:
…Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior… Isaiah 43:1-3
But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say “You are my God.” My times are in Your hands. Psalm 31:14-15
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 2 Corinthians 4:7-11
And as we close, this is my earnest prayer for you, my fellow sojourner:
Father, please take the hand of Your precious one and lead him or her to a place of surrender and faith, trusting that You who began a good work will bring it to completion. I pray that You will make a way where it seems there is no way, that You will supply all that is needed for this leg of the journey. Thank you that You know what’s ahead and that we can trust You.
Your love amazes us. Let us be astounded once again, like little children, curious about You and Your beautiful design for sexuality. Teach us what it means to journey with You in this area that is such a central aspect of both our humanity and our spirituality. Lead us toward Your redemptive love and grace through this journey.
In Your Son’s name we pray, Amen.
Founder and CEO, TrueNorth Freedom Project, Atlanta, GA.
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